Every Friday, I'm answering one real question from a real leader. No theory. No fluff. Just the stuff you're actually dealing with.

If you've got a question you'd like me to tackle, just hit reply. I read every one.

Alex, this is one of my favorite questions anyone has ever sent in.

Because most people think confidence comes first and the words follow.

It's the opposite.

The words come first. The confidence follows.

I learned this the hard way.

I'm an introvert who always admired extroverts.

Networking and sales never felt natural to me the way they seemed to for others.

I've learned to be good at both. But early on, I narrated my way through them like a guy waiting to fail.

"I'm terrible at selling."

“I have to follow up with these leads.”

"I never know what to say at networking events."

I wasn't lying. That's how I felt.

But what I didn't realize… those words were doing damage.

Your brain believes what you tell it on repeat.

Say "I'm terrible at this" enough times and your brain stops looking for evidence you're wrong.

It just files it as fact.

There's real science here. It's called self-talk research, and the findings are blunt.

The language you use about yourself shapes your stress response, your performance, and your willingness to try hard things.

One study even found that people who refer to themselves by name in tough moments ("Justin, you've got this") regulate emotion better than people who say "I."

The words are doing work, even when you don't notice them.

So let me give you the list you asked for.

1. Swap "I have to" for "I get to"

"I have to go to this networking event" carries dread.

"I get to go to this networking event" carries ownership.

Same event. Different relationship with it.

This one feels cheesy the first time. Do it anyway.

2. Add the word "yet"

This is the most powerful word on the list. One syllable. Enormous impact.

"I'm not good at this" closes the door.

"I'm not good at this yet" leaves it wide open.

"Yet" tells your brain the story isn't finished.

It comes from Carol Dweck's research on the growth mindset, and it's the simplest upgrade you'll ever make to how you talk to yourself.

3. Trade "always" and "never" for "this time"

"I always mess this up."

"I never get it right."

Those phrases turn one bad moment into a life sentence.

Say "I struggled with this one" instead.

You're describing a moment. Not carving a permanent identity.

4. Replace "I'm so stressed" with "I'm energized"

Stress and excitement feel almost identical in the body. Racing heart. Sharp focus. Buzzing energy.

The only difference is the label you slap on it.

Harvard research found that people who reframed nerves as excitement performed measurably better under pressure.

Tell yourself "I'm energized" or “I’m excited” before the big moment. Your body will follow the script.

5. Cut "I think" and "just" from how you speak

"I just think maybe we should consider..."

That sentence apologizes for itself before it finishes.

Say what you mean. "We should consider..."

Dropping the qualifiers won't make you arrogant. It'll make you clear.

One more thing, Alex.

You don't have to overhaul everything overnight.

You just have to catch yourself once a day.

Notice the "have to." Try "get to."

Notice the "I'm not good at this." Add the "yet."

Notice the "always" and "never." Bring it back to "this time."

Catch one. Swap one. That's the whole practice.

Do it for a week and you'll feel the floor under your feet start to change.

Until next time, keep being brilliant,
Justin

P.S. What's the one phrase you catch yourself saying most? Hit reply and tell me. I'm curious.