Welcome to the Brilliance Brief. Every week, we unpack leadership, mindset, and personal growth into something real and doable. Expect research-backed insights, a little storytelling, and practical ideas that actually fit into your life (even the messy parts).

My wife has a look.

It’s not angry. It’s worse. It’s the look that says, “You have no idea what I just said, do you?”

Often, she’s right.

I’ve perfected the art of nodding while mentally drafting emails. She’s called me out more than once for asking a question she literally just answered.

And the worst part? I thought I was a good listener. I made eye contact. I said “mmhmm” at the right moments. I waited for my turn to talk.

But I wasn’t listening. I was performing.

And it wasn’t just at home.

I once sat through a 1:1 with a direct report who was clearly struggling. She told me she was overwhelmed. She told me the workload wasn’t sustainable. She told me she needed help.

And I responded with a pep talk about time management.

She didn’t need a productivity hack. She needed me to hear her.

That’s when I realized something uncomfortable. I wasn’t a bad listener because I didn’t care. I was a bad listener because I’d never stopped to understand what real listening actually looks like.

So I studied it. Paid attention to the conversations where I connected and the ones where I missed. Over time, I identified 5 distinct levels of listening.

You’re quiet, but only because you’re rehearsing what you’ll say next. The other person can feel it. You’re physically present, mentally gone.

You catch fragments. You nod at the right moments. But your attention drifts. This is where most people live and most people think they’ve moved past.

You’re actually locked in. You hear what they mean, not just what they say. This is where real conversations start.

You go deeper. You notice the frustration behind “I’m fine.” You sense the fear behind “I’m not sure.” You’re reading between the lines, and the other person feels it.

You’re completely there. You catch the hesitation, the shift in tone, the thing they’re struggling to express.

Leaders who reach level 5 don’t just hear problems faster. They prevent them. They build the kind of trust that makes hard conversations possible and makes people speak up before small issues become disasters.

But this isn’t just a leadership skill. It’s a relationship skill. A parenting skill. The people in your life who feel most connected to you? They feel heard by you.

Getting to level 5 doesn’t require a new skill set. It requires a new awareness.

Next time someone’s talking to you, pay attention to your brain. Are you crafting your response while they’re mid-sentence? That awareness alone will shift you from level 1 to level 3.

Instead of offering advice, try: “It sounds like you’re feeling [X] about [Y].” Or simply ask, “What do you need from me right now?” Sometimes they want advice. Often they just need to vent. Either way, you’re respecting them instead of assuming.

The hesitation before an answer. The topic they keep circling back to. The energy shift when a certain subject comes up. These are the signals at level 5. You can only catch them if you’re not busy thinking about yourself.

I started practicing this at home before I brought it to work.

When my wife talks about her day now, I put my phone in another room. I stopped trying to solve her problems and started trying to understand them.

She noticed within a week.

The people closest to you will always be the best mirror for your listening. If you can reach level 4 or 5 at home, you’ll bring it to every meeting and every hard conversation at work.

Some days I still catch myself drifting. My wife gives me that look and I know.

But I catch it now. And catching it is the whole game.

Pick one conversation today. Just one. Before you respond to anything, silently ask yourself: what level am I listening at right now?

If the answer is 1 or 2, don’t judge it. Just notice it. Then choose to go one level deeper.

One conversation. One level deeper.

You don’t need to talk more to lead better. Or love better. Or connect better.

You need to listen deeper.

Keep leading forward,
Justin