Welcome to something new.

Every Friday, I'm answering one real question from a real leader. No theory. No fluff. Just the stuff you're actually dealing with.

If you've got a question you'd like me to tackle, just hit reply. I read every one.

Let's get into it.

Kyle, I appreciate you being honest about this. And just the fact that you're asking tells me you actually care about this person's growth.

And I can relate. I used to be that person. The one who took everything personally. Feedback felt like an attack, even when it wasn't. Looking back, it was insecurity. Most defensiveness is.

I've also managed plenty of people wired the same way. So I've been on both sides of this.

There are a million frameworks out there on how to give feedback. You don't need another one. You need moves that actually work with someone whose guard is already up.

Here are 5 that have worked for me.

1. Ask for a "no" instead of a "yes."

Instead of "Got a minute?" (which makes people feel trapped), try: "Is now a bad time to talk about something?"

People feel more in control when they can say no. And saying "no" to "bad time" actually opens the door. It's a small language shift that changes the whole dynamic.

2. Use tactical empathy BEFORE the feedback.

Before you say anything constructive, narrate what they're probably already feeling.

"This is probably going to sound like I'm nitpicking, and I know you put a lot into this."

You're saying their inner voice out loud. When people feel deeply understood, the walls come down. Not because you convinced them. Because they stopped needing to protect themselves.

Make yourself the problem.

3. Say: "I might be wrong about this. Tell me if I am."

Now they're not defending themselves. They're evaluating your take. You've shifted them from defendant to judge. Completely different posture. And the conversation changes with it.

4. Go lower, not louder.

When they get heated, drop your voice. Slow your pace.

Most people match the energy in the room. If you stay calm and quiet, their nervous system will follow yours. Not the other way around.

This is the hardest one to practice because your instinct is to escalate. Fight it.

5. Let them save face. Always.

Never give feedback that corners someone into admitting they were wrong. Instead, try: "The way it started made total sense. It just needs a different ending."

The goal isn't to be right. The goal is to get the behavior change. When people feel backed into a corner, they fight. When they feel respected, they listen.

One more thing, Kyle.

Stop trying to make feedback feel safe. That's the wrong target.

Make the person feel heard first. Then feedback doesn't feel like an attack. It feels like advice from someone on their side.

Keep leading forward,
Justin