Welcome to the Brilliance Brief. Every week, we break down leadership, mindset, and personal growth into something real and doable. Expect research-backed insights, a little storytelling, and practical ideas that actually fit into your life (even the messy parts).

Giving someone feedback they don’t want to hear is one of the hardest things to do.

Doesn’t matter if it’s a direct report, a peer, your spouse, or a good friend.

The conversation feels the same. 

You know what you need to say. You also know the second you say it, the room is going to change.

Most of us have been on the receiving end of feedback that went badly. 

Maybe a boss blindsided you in a meeting or you grew up with a parent who pointed out everything wrong without naming one thing right. 

You remember exactly how it felt. You never want to be that person.

The good news is, you can give constructive feedback and still be kind. 

It’s a skill, not a personality trait. Anyone willing to practice can get better at it fast.

Most leaders think the kind thing is to soften the feedback. Or skip it.

The research says the opposite.

Gallup found that 80% of employees who get meaningful feedback in the past week are fully engaged at work. 

Plus, employees whose managers give daily feedback are 3.6x more likely to be motivated to do outstanding work than those who only get it annually.

The principle holds outside of work too. 

The people you love most are the ones who value your honesty. Relationships that last are built on it.

Not all feedback is effective though. In her Harvard Business Review piece, Paige Cohen explains why. 

Feedback that’s delivered well builds confidence, sharpens performance, and strengthens trust. 

Feedback that’s delivered badly can damage the relationship and make behavior worse.

When you skip hard conversations, small problems become big. The person who could have improved with a five-minute conversation never gets the chance.

Feedback is how your team gets better. It’s how you become a better leader. It’s how you build a team that trusts you enough to tell you the hard things back.

I built an infographic on this a while back, based on Paige Cohen’s Harvard Business Review piece. Click the thumbnail above for the high-res version.

Here’s 4 rules that changed how I give feedback: 

1. Prepare and be specific.

Walking into a feedback conversation without preparation is the fastest way to make it worse. 

You ramble, bring up things you didn’t plan to mention, and the conversation goes sideways quick. 

Before the conversation, write down the specific behavior you want to address. 

Pull two or three concrete examples. Decide what you want them to do differently.

Instead of “You’re not responsive enough,” say, “My last few Slack messages have gone a couple of days without a reply. Could we agree on a 24-hour response rule, even if it’s just to say you’ve seen it?”

2. Build trust and rapport first.

Feedback lands differently depending on your relationship with the person giving it.

When the only time someone hears from you is when something’s wrong, every conversation feels like a verdict. 

Invest in the relationship outside of hard moments. 

Ask about their family and their personal life. Acknowledge what they’re getting right. Show them you see the full picture of their work, not just the part that needs to change.

Feedback lands when trust comes first.

3. Make it a two-way conversation.

Most feedback fails because it’s a monologue. The leader walks in, delivers some harsh feedback, and walks out.

The best feedback conversations are dialogues. 

You share what you’ve noticed, then ask what they’re seeing. 

Open with a question like, “How do you feel the project went?” or “What do you need that you’re not getting right now?”

A two-way conversation signals respect. You’re problem-solving with them.

4. Offer support and follow up.

Once you’ve named the issue and aligned on a path forward, talk about what support looks like. 

Schedule the next check-in before you leave the room. Send them a resource you used when you faced something similar. Block 15 minutes a week for whatever they’re stuck on.

The leaders who give feedback well see it as an investment in someone’s growth. 

They go in with one message underneath everything: 

“I care about you. I care about your success. I’m telling you this because I want you to grow.”

When that’s the foundation, the feedback lands differently. 

Even the hardest message becomes easier to hear because the receiver knows you’re investing in them.

This week, face the feedback conversation you’ve been avoiding.

Write down the specific behavior you want to address. Pull two examples from recent weeks. Practice giving the feedback kindly and gently. 

Then have the conversation. Start with a question. Lead with the care you actually feel.

You can do this. The relationships and the people in your life will be better because you did.

Talk soon,
Justin

P.S. I’m curious. 

Who’s the most honest person in your life? A partner, friend, parent, sibling, coworker etc?

Hit reply and let me know.