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I used to think one of my team members just didn't care about quality.

He'd submit reports with errors. Not huge ones, but enough that I'd feel this spike of frustration every time I opened his documents. And I'd think: "Why is he so careless? Doesn't he take pride in his work?"

The truth is, I was wrong. He wasn't careless. He was drowning in three projects at once, and I didn't know it because I'd already written my interpretation of what those typos meant.

That's the trap most of us fall into. We feel something, and we let that feeling tell us a story. And then we act like that story is fact.

But here's the thing: emotions are just data. Not directives.

We get to choose what they mean. And we get to choose how we respond.

I was reminded of this recently when I was featured in a Forbes article about emotional intelligence.

The piece focused on something I've observed in the most successful leaders I've worked with: they practice emotional check-ins before important conversations.

It's ridiculously simple. Before a meeting or a tough discussion, they pause for 10 seconds and ask themselves: "What am I feeling right now, and is this the energy I want to bring into this room?"

That's it. Ten seconds.

Think about that for a moment. How often do you carry the stress from one call directly into the next meeting? Or let frustration from your morning commute leak into how you talk to your team?

I do it all the time. Or at least, I used to do it more than I do now.

The beauty of this habit is that it stops you before you react. It gives you just enough space to separate what happened (the facts) from what you think it means (your interpretation) from what you're feeling (your reaction).

There's actually research on this. It's called the FIRE Model: Facts, Interpretations, Reactions, and Ends.

Most of us skip right past the facts and jump straight to interpretation. We see two typos in a report and think "this person is careless" instead of just registering the fact that there are two typos.

That interpretation triggers frustration. And that frustration pushes us toward an end goal, usually something reactive like micromanaging or sending a passive-aggressive email.

But when you take that 10-second pause, you interrupt the pattern.

You get to ask:

Is my interpretation actually true?
Is this frustration helpful?
What do I want the outcome to be?

When I finally had a real conversation with that team member I mentioned earlier—the one I'd mentally labeled as careless—I learned he was underwater.

He needed help prioritizing, not a lecture about attention to detail. And the only reason I approached that conversation calmly was because I'd caught myself before walking in hot.

Look, I know it's not easy. Emotions don't feel like data when you're in them. They feel like the truth. They feel urgent and real and justified.

And you should feel them. That's not the problem.

The problem is letting them write the story without your permission.

What I've learned is this:

When you show up emotionally steady, your team feels it. People open up more. They get honest. You actually get to the root of issues instead of circling around them.

I've seen this play out dozens of times now. When I pause before responding, my team relaxes. When I'm reactive, they shut down.

The Forbes article also highlighted another technique I've been experimenting with: temporal distancing.

Researchers at UC Berkeley found that when people think about how they'll view a stressor years in the future (instead of just next week), their distress drops significantly.

So when you're frustrated with someone, try asking yourself: "Six months from now, what do I want my relationship with this person to look like?"

It sounds almost too simple. But that question has saved me from saying things I'd regret more times than I can count.

I'm still working on this, by the way.

Last week I rushed into a conversation without checking in with myself first, and I could feel the tension in the room immediately. The other person got defensive. I got defensive. We went in circles for 20 minutes.

But that's the thing about small habits. You don't have to be perfect at them. You just have to practice them more often than you skip them.

And the impact compounds fast.

Studies show that employees who receive feedback delivered calmly and factually are 42% more likely to love their jobs. Not like them. Love them.

That number floors me every time I see it.

Because it means that the way you show up emotionally isn't just about you feeling better or being a "better leader" in some abstract sense. It directly affects whether your team wants to be there.

The 10-second pause creates psychological safety. It gives people permission to do great work without fear. And it keeps you from burning bridges over things that won't matter in six months.

So here's what I want you to try:

Before your next important conversation, take 10 seconds. Ask yourself what you're feeling and whether that's the energy you want to bring into the room.

Just once. See what happens.

Because emotions are just data. And you get to decide what they mean and how you respond.

That choice? That's leadership.

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Until next time, stay brilliant,
Justin