Every Friday, I’m answering one real question from a real leader. No theory. No fluff. Just the stuff you’re actually dealing with.

If you’ve got a question you’d like me to tackle, just hit reply. I read every one.

Marcus, yes. I’ve felt exactly what you’re describing.

The day I got the CIO title at a $4B company, I thought I’d finally arrived.

I’d been chasing that level for 15 years. Every promotion, every late night, every weekend in the office was a step toward that office and that title.

I walked out of the meeting where it became official.

Drove home in silence.

And felt… nothing.

No fireworks. No relief. Just a quiet “okay, now what?”

I told no one for weeks. I was sure something was wrong with me.

Turns out there’s a name for it.

Harvard-trained positive psychology expert Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar (teacher of Harvard University's most popular and life-changing course) coined the term in his book Happier.

The arrival fallacy is the belief that once you reach a specific goal, you’ll experience lasting happiness or fulfillment.

You won’t.

The research is clear. The bump in happiness from any major achievement fades fast. Sometimes within days.

Researchers call the related phenomenon hedonic adaptation. Your brain returns to its emotional baseline almost no matter what happens.

You hit a big number... brain adjusts. New baseline… now you need a bigger number to feel the same thing.

It’s a treadmill. And most high-achievers spend decades on it before they notice.

It’s not necessarily that you’ve been chasing the right kinds of things, Marcus. You’ve been expecting the wrong kinds of feelings from them.

These 4 actions have helped me:

1. Name the arrival fallacy when it shows up.

The next time you catch yourself thinking “I’ll feel different when I hit [the number], close [the deal], get [the title]”… stop. Name it.

“That’s the arrival fallacy talking.”

The naming alone weakens its hold. Neuroscience calls this affect labeling. Putting a name on a pattern reduces its grip on your nervous system.

2. Audit what you’ve been optimizing for.

Take 20 minutes. Write down every major goal you’ve chased over the last 5 years.

Next to each one, write the feeling you expected to get when you achieved it. Then the feeling you actually got.

You’ll spot a pattern. Most of us have been optimizing for the same 2-3 feelings the whole time. Validation. Security. Status. The goals changed. The underlying chase didn’t.

3. Pair every outcome goal with a process goal.

This is Ben-Shahar’s actual recommendation. Outcome goals (hit $5M revenue, ship the product, get the promotion) deliver short bursts of feeling. Process goals deliver sustained meaning.

A process goal is what you’ll do regularly regardless of the outcome.

“I’ll have one real conversation with a team member every day.”

“I’ll write for 20 minutes every morning.”

“I’ll be home for dinner 4 nights a week.”

The metrics still matter. But you build your weeks around the processes.

4. Run the deathbed test on the next big goal.

Before you commit to the next big chase, ask one question.

At 80 years old, looking back, will I be glad I spent a year of my life on this?

Some goals pass. Most don’t.

The ones that pass are usually the ones tied to people, craft, or impact. The ones that fail are usually tied to the metric for its own sake.

The feeling you’re having at 46 is a gift. Most people don’t get this signal until much later. Some never get it at all.

You haven’t wasted the last 20 years. You’ve earned the right to ask better questions.

So today, do this.

Open a doc. Write down the next big goal you’re currently chasing. Just one.

Underneath it, write 2 things:

Sit with the answer.

It might be the most important 15 minutes of your year.

Until next time, keep being brilliant,
Justin

P.S. What’s one good thing that happened to you this week? Hit reply, one sentence.