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I used to be the worst listener on my team.

Not because I didn't care. Actually, it was the opposite.

I cared so much that whenever someone came to me with a problem, I immediately jumped into fix-it mode.

"Have you tried this?" I'd say, barely letting them finish.

"What if you approached it from this angle?"

"Here's what I would do..."

The truth is, I thought being a good leader meant having all the answers. I confused empathy with problem-solving.

And for years, I exhausted myself trying to be everyone's hero while completely missing what they actually needed.

Everything changed during a one-on-one with Dana, our marketing director.

She'd been struggling with a campaign launch, and I was armed with solutions.

But something in her expression made me pause.

Instead of launching into my usual advice, I asked a different question.

"What's really going on?"

Dana's eyes filled with tears.

Turns out, her dad had just been diagnosed with cancer. The campaign struggles were just the tip of an emotional iceberg.

And you know what she said next?

"Thank you for just listening. Everyone else keeps telling me what to do about Dad's treatment options. I just needed someone to hear me."

Think about that for a second.

All my brilliant solutions would have completely missed the mark.

Dana didn't need a strategist. She needed a human being who could sit with her reality without trying to fix it.

That conversation taught me what empathy really is.

It's not feeling sorry for someone.

It's not jumping in to rescue them.

It's creating space for their experience to exist without judgment or immediate solutions.

Look, I know it's not easy. Our brains are wired to fix things.

When someone shares a struggle, every fiber of our being wants to make it better.

But here's the thing...

Most people don't need you to fix their problems. They need you to understand them.

After that day with Dana, I started experimenting with true empathy.

And honestly? I'm still working on it. Old habits die hard.

But I've learned some things that have transformed how I lead.

Empathy is a skill you build through practice.

I started with what I call the "pause and reflect" technique.

When someone shares something with me, I literally count to 3 before responding. Those 3 seconds kill my urge to jump in with solutions.

Then, instead of advice, I reflect back what I heard.

"It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed by competing priorities." Simple, but powerful.

Devan, one of our developers, opened up about imposter syndrome after months of seeming fine.

But it only happened when I stopped trying to convince him how talented he was and just acknowledged how scary it feels to doubt yourself.

"That must be really tough, feeling like you don't belong even though you're crushing it," I said.

His whole body relaxed. Finally, someone got it.

You want to know how to show empathy in real situations? Here's what I've learned works:

1. Ask "What do you need from me right now?"

Sometimes they want advice. Often they just need to vent.

2. Use phrases like "Help me understand..." or "Tell me more about..."

They invite deeper sharing without judgment.

3. Share your own struggles when appropriate.

Not to one-up them, but to normalize being human. I told Marcus about my own imposter syndrome when I first became a manager. Connection through vulnerability.

But building empathy? That's the long game.

I practice with small moments.

The barista who seems frazzled? Instead of getting annoyed about my late coffee, I wonder what their morning has been like.

The team member who's usually chatty but seems quiet? I check in without prying.

One exercise that's helped me:

At the end of each day, I pick one interaction and ask myself, "What might that person have been feeling that I didn't see?"

It's humbling how often I realize I missed emotional cues because I was focused on tasks.

The hardest part is sitting with discomfort.

When someone's hurting, our instinct is to make it stop.

But empathy means being willing to sit in that difficult space with them.

No fixing. No minimizing. Just presence.

I learned this during a team meeting when one of our junior employees, Lisa, shared that she felt her ideas were always overlooked.

My first instinct was to list all the times we'd used her suggestions.

Instead, I said, "That must feel really frustrating and discouraging."

The room went quiet. Then Lisa started talking — really talking — about her experience. And the team listened. That's when real change began.

Here's what nobody tells you about empathy: It's not soft. It's one of the hardest things you'll do as a leader.

It requires you to put your ego aside.

To admit you don't have all the answers.

To be comfortable with messy emotions in a world that prizes efficiency.

Some days I still slip into fix-it mode.

Last week, I caught myself giving unsolicited advice to a team member about their project management style.

Old me would have kept going. Now I stop mid-sentence: "Actually, I'm doing that thing where I try to fix everything. What would be most helpful right now?"

You know what's crazy? Since I've focused on truly listening, my team has started solving more problems on their own.

Turns out, when people feel heard, they often find their own answers.

Remember Dana from the beginning?

She's now one of the strongest leaders I know.

And she told me that our conversation that day changed how she leads too. She practices the same pause-and-reflect technique with her team.

That's the thing about empathy. It's contagious.

So here's my challenge to you:

This week, have one conversation where you don't offer a single solution.

Just listen. Reflect. Acknowledge.

It'll feel weird. You'll bite your tongue a dozen times. Your brain will scream that you're not being helpful.

Do it anyway.

Because the truth is, in a world full of fixers, being someone who truly listens is the most radical thing you can do.

And who knows? You might just transform your team in the process.

Will you try it?

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Until next time, stay brilliant,
Justin