Welcome to the Brilliance Brief. Every week, we break down leadership, mindset, and personal growth into something real and doable. Expect research-backed insights, a little storytelling, and practical ideas that actually fit into your life (even the messy parts).

Years ago, I was in a role I loved. 

I was hitting my targets. Performance reviews all positive. I thought I was headed for a promotion.

Then leadership got involved.

They pressured my boss to move me out of the role. I didn’t have an engineering degree, and at an engineering firm, that disqualified me.

Didn’t matter that I had an MBA in marketing. Didn’t matter that my business acumen was the reason I was succeeding.

They gave the role to a rising star with the credentials they wanted.

I won’t pretend I handled it well at first. I got bitter. I started comparing. Comparing myself to the person who replaced me. Comparing my path to other leaders who had it easier.

I seriously thought about leaving the company.

Instead, I decided to stop looking sideways and start looking in the mirror.

I got my health in check. Lost the extra weight I’d been carrying. Picked up new skills. Threw myself into high-profile projects that put me in front of the same leadership that had moved me out.

A year later, my replacement moved on. He no longer wanted the role.

I got it back. That kicked off a series of promotions that took me all the way to the C-suite.

In 1954, psychologist Leon Festinger named the thing I was doing. He called it social comparison theory.

We’re wired to evaluate ourselves against other people. When objective measures aren’t available, we look sideways to figure out where we stand.

The problem is that looking sideways has a cost.

Researchers at HEC Paris and the University of Utah studied 164 branches of a retail bank. When employees could see peers in a more advantaged position nearby, productivity dropped. The closer the person they envied, the worse the decline.

Envy drained the energy they needed to do their own job.

That’s what happened to me. Every minute I spent measuring myself against the person who replaced me was a minute I wasn’t spending on getting better.

Every night before bed, Michael Phelps’ coach Bob Bowman had him mentally rehearse the perfect race. Every stroke, every turn, every finish.

Phelps rehearsed his races hundreds of times before he ever stood on the blocks. He even visualized things going wrong. Goggles filling with water. A bad start or torn suit.

At the 2008 Beijing Olympics, his goggles actually did fill with water during the 200-meter butterfly final. He couldn’t see a thing. He stayed calm, counted his strokes, and won gold. Even set a world record.

Champions put the blinders on. Looking at their competitors would slow them down. They look at the lane in front of them and rehearse what it takes to win. Over and over again.

That’s the version of me that finally got to the C-suite. The one who stopped keeping score against others and started keeping score against himself.

I still struggle with comparison. It happens more often than I’d like to admit. 

What’s changed is that I notice it faster now, and I know what to do with it.

1. Let the sting tell you something.

When someone else’s win stings, that’s information. It’s pointing at something you want.

Someone announces a book deal and you feel it in your chest. That’s a signal you want to write something.

Someone posts about a nice vacation with their family. You’re probably not jealous of the beach, but want quality time with your kids.

Most people push these feelings away. Instead, sit with them for a second. What are they telling you? And what should you do about it? 

2. Tell them congrats. 

Send a quick text that says, “Huge congrats. I’m happy for you.” Or leave a nice comment on their LinkedIn post. 

I know how that sounds when you’re the one feeling behind. 

The last thing you want to do is congratulate the person who got the thing you wanted. 

Do it anyway. Comparison doesn’t have anywhere to sit once you’ve said it out loud.

3. Keep score against yourself.

The only comparison that ever helped was me a year ago.

Am I better than I was then? Have I learned something? Did I do a hard thing I kept avoiding?

That’s a scoreboard I can do something about.

Think of someone whose success has been a little hard to watch lately.

Ask yourself what the discomfort is pointing at. Usually it’s something you want for yourself.

Then send them one message. 

Two sentences. Tell them you noticed and you’re happy for them. You’ll feel a little lighter. 

Success is better shared. The person you celebrate today might be the person who opens a door for you later.

And even if they never return the favor, you'll have put the scoreboard down.

Talk soon,
Justin

P.S. What was your very first job?

Hit “reply” and let me know.